It is time.

I am moving on, towards a bolder and more consistent mulling and sharing. In case you ask, I will continue to play, wrestle, reflect on, or simply observe what we all have -- an [extra]ordinary life! Do come visit my new blog on WordPress sometime. :)

Giants

On yesterday's chapel, the speaker reminded us of this quote "If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants" (Newton). Here are two of the giants who offered me their shoulders and more. Audacious authenticity. Thank you and we love you Kuya Ed and Ate Page!

Live life! Don't keep your love HIDDEN AWAY.

HIDDEN AWAY
(Josh Groban / Click to Watch or Download mp3)

Over mountains and sky-blue seas
On great circles
Where you watch for me
The sweetest feeling
I've got inside
I just cant wait to get lost in your eyes

And all these words
That you meant to say
Held in silence
Day after day
Words of kindness that our poor hearts crave
Please don't keep them hidden away

Sing it out
So I can finally breathe in
I can take in all you're saying
Holding out for something I believe in
All I really need today

I want to free your heart
I want to see your heart
Please don't keep your heart
Hidden away

You're a wonder
How bright you shine
A flickered candle
In a short lifetime
(A) secret dreamer that never shows
If no one sees you
Then nobody knows

And all these words
You were meant to say
Held in silence day after day
Words of kindness that our poor hearts crave
Please don't keep them hidden away

Sing it out
So I can finally breathe in
I can take in all you're saying
Reaching out for someone I believe in
All I really need today

I want to feel your love
Will you reveal your love
Please don't keep your love
Hidden away

I want to free your heart
I want to see your heart
Please don't keep your heart
Hidden away

Christmas Cantata 2009!

Historical

"Mama, makasaysayan na pala ako, kasi sumama ako sa burol ni President Cory."

(Si Rio, habang pinapanuod na sa TV ang mga huling kaganapan sa Manila Memorial.)

Tama naman, dahil tayo din ang gumagawa ng kasaysayan. Sana makabuluhan ang ating iwan gaya ni Tita Cory.

Salamat, Tita Cory.

This small yellow banner was tied to my head. Rommel wore a Cory shirt, Rio had a yellow balloon, and I some yellow beaded bracelets. Yellow was the new black, as in mourning. But yellow has also become the new green, a symbol of hope for the Philippines.

Only selected guests were allowed inside the Manila Cathedral for the final funeral mass. It did not matter. Crowds of people still went to pay respect. Some on top of the adjacent buildings, others in front of the church. We chose to stay connected through a big screen in the parking lot just outside. Rain was heavily pouring and typhoon Kiko's angry wind was pounding on our umbrellas. The rain-gears were quite useless, and we would end up drenched in tears anyway. Walang kaso.

When Lea Salonga sung Bayan Ko, we were singing just as loud.

It was a sad yet heartwarming day. Some friends from Canada, US and Malaysia were texting me -- they were watching from TFC or CNN. One asked me to sign on the message wall on his behalf. Indeed, even in death Tita Cory united the Filipinos around the world.

May this national awakening be a reminder to us all to guard our freedom and exercise our responsibilities. May it drive those who abuse power to humble themselves in repentance and seek real transformation. A long shot, but nothing is impossible.

1993 to 2009 -- a life well-lived. Thank God for you, Tita Cory.

Smile and Move

This came to my inbox today, from John Maxwell's "Leadership Wired" e-newletter. A beautiful reminder. Enjoy!

Rio (Portrait)

The last sketch I did of her was as a sleeping one-month-old baby. Now she's almost nine!

Here I had trouble doing the lips, as she would always end up looking like her best friend Icah. They do have the same smile sometimes.

NAGANAP NA.

Tuldok.
Wakas ng nakahahapong
pagpupumiglas, pakikibaka;
Pait ng damdaming
Hindi bumibitaw.

Paghupa.
Pananahimik at pagsuko
Sa di maikakailang
Katotohanan ng
pagkakaganap sa naitakda.

Natupad na.
Ikutin man bawat sulok,
Halughugin bawat dulo,
Himayin bawat hibla;
Hindi makakasumpong ng
dahilan upang ipagpatuloy ang:

- pagkataong tinatalikuran
- mapagpanggap na kabutihan
- hinanakit na dinuduyan
- pag-aatubili, takot, kabalisahan.

Naganap na.
Kalayaan.
Tunay,
Buo,
Sapat,
Para sa Iyo.
Ngayon.

Tenebrae Service

Lenten Retreat & Tenebrae Service
April 8, 2009
Sambahay Retreat House, East Fairview Quezon City

MORNING REFLECTIONS:
Seven prayer stations were set up according to the seven last words of Christ(with cloths, lit candles, symbols, icons, and images related to the passage). With some guidance we were allowed time for personal reflection til lunch.

IT IS FINISHED.
Why do I try so hard?
No need to perform.
No need to flee.
No reason for doubt.
No room for despair.
No need to rush so much.
Or prove so much.
It is finished,
By God's love
On the cross.
Period.
Just be.

AFTERNOON MOVIE:
Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ".
Three scenes that resonated with me, as per this viewing:
a) Christ standing up again after the first round of whipping. I wish he feigned passing out or something. It was too much. But, he was like a sheep brought to the slaughter. And endured every single agony and pain.
b) Mary's heartache as a mother.
c) Christ's face in the resurrection (last frame). After hours of gory bloody details of torture scenes to the crucifixion, the contrast of the clean face vividly captures our new hope. Christ was victorious. We are, too.

EVENING TENEBRAE [latin: shadows] SERVICE.
I came out of this community refelection in silence and darkness. Carried in my heart a glimpse of the sacrifice Christ had to go through, for me.

Family Retreat Day 4

Rommel & Rio fulfilled their promise to jog around the neighborhood. That way they found the talipapa (mini-market) so we now have charcoals for grilling, and fresh calamansi for sauce.

General cleaning! Plants get extra watering and kois are extra happy because they were fed early.

Prayer journal now had stick figures -- my first drawing entry. Dream house and dream of another baby (!).

Final outcome of russian egg art very satisfactory. Rommel made a note of us needing to do the same project back at home. Yey!

Later in the afternoon, we had dinner with the Clementes. Kids bonding, parents dreaming together. Lotsa laughter. And tea. Awesome time.

Homeowners back by 10PM. They seemed exhausted by the long drive, but looked refreshed by the trip overall.

Some soft music to cap the night...

Family Retreat Day 3

For yesterday -- Sunday!

Went to DCBC in the morning. Butch led the worship. KC expounded on the crucifixion account. No one in the family had part in the service except sing, pray, and listen. A retreat, too, in that sense.

Finished the remaining 3 easter eggs - we had to make new ones, because one cracked and the two others won't dry! We used too much tinting color I guess. This time we resorted to liquid crayola instead. Cool pastel colors, and quick drying too.

Started a new sketch: a baby in a rotavirus info brochure, which I got from one Mommy Academy event.

Loaded some music onto the laptop. (Happiness found in Mr. C's The Sacred Works of Ryan Cayabyab, Chin-chin's Uyayi, and Josh Groban's Closer).

Taboo rematch: we lost, as in completely no chance of making a comeback, huhuhu. Score was 13 to 45 in favor of Rio and Papa's team. Go R-R!

Bought fresh and nice-looking bangus for grilling on Monday. It will go with pinakbet (glad we found eggplants in the round variety on our way home). Yumm!

Family Retreat Day 2

(This was supposed to be yesterday's entry.)

In between relaxation activities (yes, chores included ... the therapeutic ones anyway!) I checked mails for a concept paper being reviewed by a team of friends.

Anyways, the day was "light" in that there was no stressful moment, but it was full nonetheless:

- Sketching exercises by Rio and I (we'll be taking art lessons from a friend this summer). She did a sketch of the tissue holder's flower design and copied a girl face from a children's activity book.

I tried my hand at a cartoon (Sophia, the tenth muse in B. Amoss' book), a portrait (Ignatius Loyola), and a stylized art (african design from a coffee mug).


- The three of us tried to make Russian egg art (or easter eggs!?) as a thank you gift for the homeowners who made this retreat possible. On one side a lettering of the family name (one letter per egg) and a drawing of a Philippine national symbol that starts with that letter (e.g. A = Anahaw). Took most of the day and early night, trying to find designs, leftover paints, and searching the house for pentel pens and scrap lace. In the end we finished 2, while allowing the 3 others to dry. Fun!

- Rommel watched back episodes of GO Negosyo on youtube. GO mahal!

- Fave music for the day: Bahay Kubo (Timeless Filipino Folk Music in Classical Guitar), Acoustic Hymns Volume 2, Praise Music OPM Sampler.

- Lotsa green tea for me. Local herbal teas for Rommel.

- Rio ate 3 eggs for snacks (growing girl)! Will make sure to get her something to munch on tomorrow after church.

- Played Taboo! Team B (Leslie & I) won over Team A (Rio & Rommel). A rematch scheduled for next night.

- Made polvoron (Ninang Elaine's order from Rio; pasalubong for the Lolo & Lola in Cavite).

- Of course, at the end of the day, had to list our expenses separately. We're doing a 2-week daily list, then re-structure our budget. Larry Burket's advise. He's been our guru since day 1 of marriage. (Not that we were diligent pupils anyway, but we're trying. And now trying harder. Good!)

Family Retreat Day 1

More like Day 2, actually. Last night at 10PM we arrived at this warm and friendly home (Okay, I admit I'd like to call it a "dream abode". Major Confession.), which we will house-sit for the next 4 days. (Again, a misnomer -- we were actually given this treat, a vacation in a peaceful awesome place where we can relax and just be.) Got the keys, important phone numbers, and off to a very restful night.

Breaking out easily into a lovely morning that was today.

Rommel: Quiet time.Book Reading, Brennan Manning's "The Importance of Being Foolish". Errands (get Rio's report card , buy DVD, polvoron ingredients, fetch laptop and my sketch pad.). Taught Rio chores (feeding fish). Rest. Check emails. Read. TV.


Jing: Prepare meals. Book Reading, Berthe Amoss' "Pencil Prayer". Taught Rio chores (watering plants). Rest. Read. Draft a project brief. Check emails. Read to Rio "The Littlest angel". TV.

Rio: QT. Breakfast. Feed goldfish, feed kois. Water plants. Jigsaw. Imagination Game. Computer game. Prepare snacks. Rest. Read. Pretend play. TV. Bedtime story.

Nyt nyte! :)

Shacked!

Saw William Paul Young's video yesterday, a speech at a House Church Conference. As of this writing am downloading "The Shack" from audible.com.



In January I was at a 3-day training by renowned counselors and authors Dan Allender ("Breaking the Idols of Your Heart", "To Be Told") and Jan Meyers ("The Allure of Hope: God’s Pursuit of a Woman’s Heart").

The agenda? RESTORING THE HEART. A timely way to start the year, searching deep into me, that is. Discovering the vows I made (knowingly or otherwise) to protect myself from the world (read: pain, rejection, disappointment, un-recognition).

Two months later, still journeying. As I have been since 14 years ago when my twisted idea of God as a remote, unreliable Father who played with my emotions, was shattered by the truth.

This is another installment. A welcome follow-through, before the dark old self overcomes (as it does from time to time).

I am about to see the shack of my life. For what it is.

The truth will set you free. What an awesome gift.

Breakfast in Bed

Rio woke up to a beautiful sunrise at the Nambus' attic, the morning after a sumptuous dinner and a night of fun, laughter, and warm friendship with this family. I said to whisper her prayers before coming down for breakfast. She came back to me with a throw pillow in hand, pointing at the Christmas wreath printed over it.

"Mama, this is my devotion today" and she explained away.


The big bow represents the Father (ribbon), Son (bells), and the Holy Spirit (tassels).
The green leaves around are symbols for nature and the whole creation of God.
The apples represent the fruits in the Garden where Adam and Eve were. The ones on the right they were allowed to eat. This on the upper left corner was forbidden but they ate it anyway so they sinned.
The ribbon circling all around is God's love embracing us even though we are sinners.
The red berries are symbols for the blood of Christ who died for our sins.
The lemons mean we are "cleaned" by God from our sins. (This came as an afterthought, one day later.)
In and around the long ribbon are dots -- those within the ribbon are persons who now belong to Jesus, those outside are people who still do not know Him.
The pine cones mean "Kahit na mahirap o maliit ang katayuan mo o dinadanas mo sa buhay at maraming problema, dapat hindi mo paniwalaang ganoon din ang relasyong ninyo ng Diyos. Mas malaki Siya kaysa sa iyong kinatatayuan ngayon."
Blue background means heaven.

My smile is now brighter than the sunlight flooding the room. No doubt, this is the best Christmas breakfast I ever had.

Out of the mouth of babes and nursing infants
You have ordained strength,
Because of Your enemies,
That You may silence the enemy and the avenger.
Psalm 8:2

The Gift of Grace

Those who find me find life, and the Lord will be pleased with them. Proverbs 8:35

Grace is created by God and given to man....On the basis of this point alone, Christianity, is set apart from any other religion in the world....Every other approach to God is a bartering system; if I do this, God will do that. I'm either saved by works (what I do), emotions (what I experience), or knowledge (what I know).

By contrast, Christianity has no whiff of negotiation at all. Man is not the negotiator; indeed, man has no grounds from which to negotiate.

In the Grip of Grace
Max Lucado
(as quoted in "Grace for the Moment")

Unpacking to the Nth power

It has been 2 months since we moved, and we still have boxes to unpack. It's okay. We need time to breathe anyway.


This sembreak, to Rio's delight, it was time to open one box.












It happened to contain her "babies", or what's left of her favorite dolls after giving away most of her toys and books and small clothes.












(Sorry, we just have no space in the new house, and besides you have always enjoyed sharing your stuff, now you're doing it bigtime! She heartily agreed.)













So, introducing to the cyber world, Rio's babies...(oops forgot to use flash on that camera, sowee!)












Within 20 minutes, Mommy Rio is already faced with an issue, so off she went to Dr. Jing.












"Bakit yung mga ibang anak ko sinasabihan nila si Tigger na mukha siyang unan? Hindi ko na lang sinasabi sa kanya kasi baka masaktan siya.



Oh. Ah. Mahirap nga yan, anak (kase, una sa lahat, unan talaga sya, panubayun)...


Siguro kausapin mo sila at sabihin, lahat tayo ay unique!



May bagay talagang kakaiba sa ating lahat, hindi nga lang halata minsan. Pero marami din tayong pagkakapare-pareho. At ang mga ito ay dapat igalang at i-celebrate.

Hindi masama at hindi pagkakamali na iba ang shape niya sa ibang bata. Ganun kasi ang pagkaka-design sa kanya.



(Whoo! Sana po later ma-digest nya ang psycho-spiritual implication ng lahat ng ito. Meanwhile, I hope I contributed to stuffed-toy-world peace.)

Bacon-Mushroom Pasta

My attempt at the pasta dish which Rommel immediately loved (thanks, Ate Frances for the recipe!)



Cook bacon, set aside.
Saute finely chopped onions, garlic, and sliced button mushrooms in bacon oil. Add cream and evaporated milk, low fire. Mix with cooked pasta, crushed bacon, cheese, salt and pepper. Top with remaining bacon & cheese.
Serve with garlic bread.

Bata-batuta, ang saya-saya!

The latest addition to the Sinay family... BUBOY (Papa JR - Mama Pilita)!

Welcome, ading! Mula sa mga kyut na kyut mong mga ate:
Ate Shye-Shye (Tito Edison-Tita Myra)

Ate Ayesha (Tita Bhynes - Tito Marvin)

Ate Rio (Tita Jing - Tito Rommel)

Hintay natin isa pang ading mula kay Tita Margs - Tito PJ ha ...